Why saying NO to everything is holding you back from really living the good life.
Have you ever been offered something that you turned down or said no to then found out later that you should have said yes? I’m sure you have, as we all have made that mistake. When your gut tells you to do something and you say no anyway it is not because you were born that way or because something is wrong with your intuition.
It is because you have been conditioned from birth to say no! The very first words you heard when your mind was developing were the words NO, STOP, DONT, CANT, QUIT IT and every other variation of those words. Your mommy said No to you repeatedly growing up every time you ask for something she didn’t want you to have.
Imagine growing up without that word, imagine how your life would be different if the word No wasn’t in your vocabulary. Imagine if the word “CANT” was never taught to you.. By saying no to everything you are only seeing the tip of the Iceberg and missing out on the big picture and all the possibilities….
Basketball Diary
Recently I was playing basketball with a 6 year old named Drea, He kept missing the basket and I kept saying you can do it, you’ll make this one and I noticed right before every shot he attempted to make he would say “I CANT” its to high, I CANT its to far, I immediately stopped him and said to him, do you want to make the basket? He said YES! I said that you only have to change one thing then, he said what? I said right before you shoot the ball you keep saying “I cant” and all you have to do is change that one thing to “I CAN” and you will start making it in! He of course didn’t believe me that it could be that easy and he continued to say I cant and kept missing..
Now after letting him come to the conclusion that he was doing everything right except for that one thing he finally agreed to try it my way. He lined up the shot, put his eyes on the hoop and I said, OK now say I can make it in, I can make it in, He threw the ball up and it hit the rim and circled the rim and it was like slow motion going around the rim, I said say it again hurry!! He yelled I can make it in! and the ball dropped in the hoop….
Now of course I realize that he was bound to make it eventually but because he said he could and he did, this changed everything for him, he now plays basketball with a whole different attitude. The attitude that he will make it in and he does, very well in fact he rarely misses now! He doesn’t say it outloud anymore because I taught him to just think of it going in, picture it going through the hoops right before you throw it.
I’ve also noticed that whenever he gets scared to do something he starts to mumble ” I can do it” I can do It” and then he does! no matter what it is! Its pretty empowering for him.
Step it up a notch shall we?
What if I offered you ONE MILLION DOLLARS CASH, to jump out of an airplane WITHOUT a parachute?!?
Chances are you would probably say NO! to that offer, in fact 99.9% of people with whom I ask this question to do say NO, are you crazy? they say, what good would a million dollars be if I’m dead?
The moral to the story is, don’t say no until you have all the facts.
Back when I was training hundreds of sales reps to become better closers I would have to do TO’s, that’s sales lingo for “take over” when a sales rep would hit a brick wall with a customer and they felt they were going to lose the sale I would ask them to put the customer on hold, then I would jump on the phone and take over the call, If I couldn’t turn the customer around then no one could! I was a master closer.
The Take Over
My first question after telling the customer that I was the director of operations and I just wanted to see if there was anything I could do to help the customer make a more informed and intelligent decision, I would say, Mr Customer, what exactly are you saying no to? because there is no reason to sit there and rebuttal someone who hasn’t even told you why they are declining your offer. Once the customer told me that the reason they are saying no was that blah, blah, blah, I could then fine tune my response to accommodate that one particular issue.
And then I would say, Mr Jones, I understand you are not interested and thats fine but before you go, may I ask you one question? and he would say yes, go a head, I would say, If I gave you 1 million dollars cash to jump out of an airplane without a parachute would you do it? and 9 times out of 10 they would say no..
Then I would say well you answered the question wrong Mr Jones, You see, Had you just got a little more information from me, asked a few questions and dug a little deeper you would have discovered that the airplane was on the ground. The moral of the story is that you shouldn’t make any decisions until you have all the facts, now lets make sure you have all the facts and I would continue on with the presentation. and usually make the sale, 80% of the time. the other 20% were people who hung up on me because they thought I was being a smart ass and they knew I was right but they didn’t want to admit it!!
Some will, Some wont, So what, Next..
My journey through life has taught me that I have recieve countless more blessings and accomplished a lot more goals and made a lot more dreams come true when I said yes to things instead of saying no. In fact I would go as far as to say that if you look back on your life, the only things you regret fully are the missed opportunities that you said no to! And the things you said yes to may not have all turned out the way you wanted but had you not done them you would have spent months or years or maybe a lifetime wondering if you should have!
So next time an opportunity arises, before you say no, try to open your mind to the potential and ask yourself, Will the regret of not doing this out way the regret of doing it and failing? because I assure you that if you truly want to succeed, the best way to do that is to fail at a bunch of things that you at least tried to do because you have a 50/50 chance at success, 50% change it will work and a 50% chance it wont. But if you don’t try, you are guaranteed to have a 100% chance it wont work…
Have a prosperous day! and if you liked this post please share it with your friends on Facebook and Twitter and I would love to hear your comments below! chow for now..
To Your Unending, Uninterrupted Abundance,
22 Comments and Pings on Have you been conditioned to say NO?
Hi Niko,
This is my first visit to your blog and it won’t be the last. I have a 1 year old son and he is just getting into everything at the moment so the only word he hears at the moment is NO. Love the question about jumping out of a plane, I’ll be using that one.
Tristram Lodge
Hi Tristram,
Thanks for the kind words, It isnt till we think of what has conditioned us that we see the subtle words along the way that tell us that we either CAN or CANT do or be something!
So when your 1 year old starts to hear the word no tell him that No you cant have this but you CAN have that or you can do this! always reinforce the Can Do’s…:)
See you soon,
~Niko
Hey niko,
It was a pleasure reading your post and your story with the young kid was so convinzing that we should feed our mindest with positive inputs and encouragement!
you made a good job by practicing the right thing – to stay positive!
thanks a lot for sharing
have an amazing weekend!!!
gerald
.-= Gerald Gigerl´s last blog ..The Profit Of Stable And Beneficial Relations =-.
Hey Gerald,
Thanks, I learn A lot from watching how children take on challenges, because we cant remember sometimes how we delt with things when we were kids but to see other kids overcome challenges and helping them to do it is priceless in terms of reminding us how good we we can be as teachers!
Thank You,
~Niko
Hey Niko, I love the story about jumping out of an airplane. We have all said “no” sometimes without all the facts, and regretted it later. Thanks for reminding me that the real action lies outside of my comfort zone! Regards, Laurie
.-= Laurie´s last blog ..What has this blog done for my business =-.
Hi Laurie,
You hit the nail on the head! It really is about going outside of your comfort zone and just simply trying new things, most of the time when people do that they discover a whole new talent and interest they never new they had!!
Thank you for sharing!:)
~Niko
Hey Niko,
Thankfully I have been living with the ‘anything is possible’ mentality for a while now. The biggest problem I have is that however positive I am , people are still willing to think I am a bit of a crack pot lol.. I don’t mind.
I have a 5 year old daughter who is all too easy to say “I Can’t Do It” – I am determined to change her attitude and make her know, that she can say “Yes I can Do It!”.
I will let you know how I get on with this lol.
Thanks for a great post.
Beth
.-= Beth Hewitt´s last blog ..What can Social Media Do for Me =-.
Hello Beth!
Thanks for visiting:) dont worry about those pesty pessimist, they are downers! lol here’s a funny quote about them;
” In times of trouble, the pessimist gets more pleasure out of his pessimism than the optimist out of his optimism” But if it wasn’t for the optimist, the pessimist would’nt know how happy he Isn’t.”
So keep being you and keep me posted on your “I can Do it” experiment with your daughter!
Thanks,
~Niko
Thank you for such a wonderful article! I love the airplane story and before I even read further, I had already answered “YES” to jumping out without a parachute.
I was someone who was raised with the “you can’t” mentality and it took me many, many years to change that to the “Oh yes I can” attitude. I made a vow to myself that when I had my children that they would be raised with knowing they could do anything they set their heart to. Now that they are a Jr. and Sr. in high school, they have wonderful attitudes and are both positive, compassionate young adults!
Even at my age, approaching 50 in a few months, I still have those one-on-one conversations with myself affirming that “I can!” I recently resigned from a position I held with a company I loved to strike out on my own with my Aussie business partner, Deb. Of course I’m frightened by the mere thought that we may not do well but then common sense kicks in and I have to tell myself, if I don’t take the chance and try, then I will never know. (Having regrets frightens me more!!)
So far, things are looking up as we move forward and I look at this as a wonderful lesson to pass along to my children.
Keep up the great article writing and I am definitely a new fan of yours!
To Your Success!!
Wow! Thanks Lee!,
Thats great that your kids have grown up in that mentality, it really is a shame when you see young people who are so negative and cynical these days but it is deffinately something that can be changed! Thanks for becoming a fan and I will continue to do my part in helping people to “Wake up” to their true potential and their unlimmited possibilities!!
To Your Unending, unlimmited and uninterupted Success,
~Niko
Hi Niko,
great article. Of course, all these “no’s” we heard as kids were well intended, because our parents wanted to protect us from something. Chances are that today we’re protecting ourselves from success and fulfillment with these conditioned “no’s”. On the other hand, there are a lot of people who have a problem to say “no” – they need to say “no” and don’t have the courage to do so. So being able to say “no” in the right situations could be one of the most important abilities in life.
Take care
Oliver
.-= Oliver Tausend´s last blog ..The Anatomy Of Quitting – Would You Like To Change Places With Another Person =-.
Hello Oliver,
Yes you are absolutely correct, I was mainly referring to opportunities but definately there are some people who need to learn how to say NO to the things that are not in their best interest and I think I could write another article on that subject as well!!
Thank you for sharring!!
~Niko
Hey Niko,
No has never been in my vocabulary, its always been “why not” or “just do it”..When i was a kid i told my friends i was going to set the world on fire as the strangest teen in the world, they all said “No Way”,, after i took a world record in the bench i set out to be the best built man in the USA.. friends said “No Way”.. I then took the Mr.USA, MR.America and currently listed as the most recognized bodybuilder power-lifter in the history of the sport, March 2010 issue Iron Man Listed me as Body building Legend. Flex magazine Strongest IFBB pro in the history of the sport.
All my friends, family and fans asked how I did it..Quite Simple, I never took “You Can’t” or “No’ or ” No Way” as an answer.
As for My Secret.. Quite Simple…Phil 4:13 “I can do all things through Christ which strengtheneth me.” We are are all blessed with a special gift..
Its up to us to find that gift and put it to work! We are all Vessels my friend! God created us all for a reason!!! He does not make mistakes!!!! My titles were given to me for a reasons. I placed God first in all i do, asked for his blessing’s in all I do..and he gave in abundance. I am a vessel..
He gave me these titles for a reason for he knew my heart! and that was to educate people in sport’s health and nutrition, to touch there lives from whom I am as a man and my achievements, to inspire then to learn more, dream more and become more..Here it is in a nut shell.
Never take “NO”..” You Cant or ” Thats Impossible” as an answer!!! Keep your faith first! We are red white and blue to the bone.. As Eagles.. and us Eagles do not play with Chickens.
Thanks you for the great Post Niko!
God Bless all!
Eddie Robinson
Hey Eddie,
Great to see you here, and thank you for the complement!
Yes I grew up with pictures of Arnold, Franco Columbo, Frank Zane and YOU! on my home gym wall ( my garage) lol
and then seeing you at my home town Golds Gym all the time was always motivating, You have deffinately set the Bodybuilding world on fire and congratulation to you on all your achievements!!
Thanks for sharring!!
To Your UNending, UNinterupted and UNlimmited Success,
~Niko
Thanks for your Kind words Niko..
Best in Health & Success
~Eddie
Hi Niko,
Thanks for your post.
It’s great we have so much availabe to us to teach us differently than the whole “I can’t attitude”
Man – we were conditioned wrong – it’s all our parents and teachers faults – LOL!!! The thing is, it’s only what they were learnt and therefore taught us.
I thank God I found personal development and people like yourself who have so much inspiration to give.
Thanks for your leadership!
Regards Sharon Whyte
.-= Sharon´s last blog ..Is Article Writing A Powerful Tool For Driving Traffic To Your Website =-.
Thanks Sharon!
Makes you think the word brainwashing is not so bad after all! we may need to have our brains washed from all the negative imputs and to reprogram ourselves so that our sub-concious mind automatically thinks and does the right things at the right time always…
To your ultimate success,
~Niko
I simply want to tell you that I’m newbie to blogging and site-building and seriously savored you’re web-site. Likely I’m planning to bookmark your blog . You definitely have really good posts. Many thanks for sharing your web site.
Really enjoyed studying this, any chance you can write some extra about it?
[...] This post was mentioned on Twitter by Niko Mercuris and Niko Mercuris, The Unified Tribe. The Unified Tribe said: My friend @NikoMercuris just posted a great article on the power of the word YES, its another must read! http://bit.ly/dxXy0b #UTribe [...]
[...] This post was Twitted by stacigauny [...]
Bookmarked…
It was altogether out of the blue when I discovered the hyperlink on Delicious, nevertheless I was glad I did…
RSS feed for comments on this post. TrackBack URL
This entry was posted on Saturday, July 24th, 2010 at 4:29 pm and is filed under Personal Growth. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.